50 Shades of Emotions

This week has been a mixture of many different emotions and the age old exhaustion raising its ugly head to boot. I am currently surrounded by situations that need either resolving and/or acting on many of which have deadlines attached. Prior to my stroke this is something I would have thrived on but to the stroke survivors reading this you know only too well how our body and head in particular respond to this situation.

If we try to battle on and cope with things it makes us feel more unwell, it doesn’t allow for us to factor in that precious daily rest that appears so far to be the secret to preventing me from becoming as unwell again as I became this time last year and the year previously.

I can feel the warning signs of becoming unwell yet still things need doing and the deadline getting closer; something has to give and I only hope it isn’t my health.

I have also learnt a few things this week too that have opened my eyes somewhat, and this has been upsetting so coupled with the exhaustion I am feeling rather beaten down.

I look around me at a situation I have no control over, things that need completing and I do not have the ability to do this. My message today to you survivors out there is to be very careful what you try to attempt as I have tried to do something recently and all it has done is hurt me, upset me, make me feel more unwell and highlight more than ever all the things I am no longer able to do. For example drive, lift things, remain well if too much is expected of me. My message here to you all is learn from my mistake, listen to the advice of the specialists, even if things need doing, stop what you are doing and have a sleep, think of your health because if you don’t no one else will . Do not attempt something that is going to be a constant reminder of all the things you can no longer do, our daily lives are difficult and challenging enough without attempting something that is going to upset and hurt us. Try instead something like I do with my painting, gardening in raised beds or pots, that has the advantage too of the fresh air. Admittedly we do still need help with certain aspects but in the main we can do the lion share when we feel up to it and still have a rest when required too.

So far I have only touched on the difficult emotions of the week but I have also enjoyed some truly enjoyable and relaxing time with friends this week too who are working out how to help me raise the £3000 I need to help stroke survivors at their families whilst on the ward. They also are kindly helping me regarding the packing up of things for our house move. Another friend has shown me how to do felting, something I have wanted to learn for such a long time and see if I am able to manage with one hand, I am so excited thanks to Lyn’s help and patience that I now believe I can. The starter kit I had purchased is not sadly for beginners if you read the instructions, which was why I feared it would remain in its box not ever made. Thanks to Lyn this is no longer the case. She also very kindly purchased some of my Christmas cards for the fund just mentioned.

Friends Roy and Lois who I spent a very enjoyable day with me this week also have very kindly gifted a splendid item for the auction when I organise an event for the cause. We had a most relaxing lunch and day together, I don’t know where the time went and it did me the world of good. On opening my post yesterday I received a cheque and delightful card from a lovely fellow stroke survivor who has purchased my book, her words taking the time to put pen to paper mean a great deal to me. Also sadly I have to report some people who promised to purchase my book and I believed would honour their promise two of them medical, one a taxi driver, have not ever honoured their word. This is upsetting and almost prevented me from allowing people to take the book prior to paying. Then this lovely lady posted the cheque as her friend promised she would, thank goodness I did not let the previous bad experience prevent me from allowing the book to reach its new lovely owner

2 Responses to “50 Shades of Emotions

  • You have had a bad week, Sas and I do feel for you. When I get that ‘overload’ feeling I find it helps to make a to do list. Are you sure YOU have to do it all, or could you delegate some tasks? I also take on things that remind me that I am no longer the woman I was. Please don’t beat yourself up about it, you have a lot of achievements to be proud of. I bought two flats to rent out. Then I realised the decorating, etc, is now too much for me, so I have had to employ a decorator where I used to do it myself. The important thing is that I will achieve my objective and not be put off by what has happened to me. Yesterday I was sewing. My left hand did not want to co-operate and threading the needle was a challenge. It took me hours longer than it should have, but I did it. I think you are brave to move house right now. I moved 10 years ago, when I was fit and well, and had to work hard to be sorted for Christmas. I am sure you will do it. The problem is we push ourselves on with adrenalin to complete a task, then flop with exhaustion when it’s over. Be careful of your health and try to pace yourself. Delegate whatever you can and try not to be too upset when people let you down. They have only let themselves down really.

  • Hamish….I look at this magnificent beast, as he stares at me from his canvas. Are you coming in to challenge me? Begs the question!
    A serious look from those dark piercing eyes created carefully over sometime, via the soulful artist’s uneasy brush strokes, those being from Sas. Showing her keen eye for natural detail and colour, enabling his natural serious expression while he turns from beneath the shadows of overhanging branches. Alert, as if ready to move in your direction, whist standing to admire his proud Highland heritage looks of ruggedness, armed with harassing impressive pointed long horns, but softened with Beatle style features of a bygone age.
    No….I’m not coming in, I can admire you just fine from here!

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