50 Shades of Emotional Differences


We have moved home and as if that was not enough of an upheaval, our new home is still resembling a building site. It had to have work done to accommodate my requirements. I will finally be able to have a shower, I will be able to do more in the kitchen as I can reach more things etc, this said this was all meant to be finished in October, then end of October, beginning of November and so on. We are now into another year and still so much not finished, walls to paint, without a washing machine, basins, shower, flooring lighting in some rooms you get the picture.

I had organised the removal company and the move was taking place.

My friend drove me to our new home and the removal men had chosen to ignore the drive and park on the lawn right outside the front door. I admit the lawn has suffered the past months having drains redirected and materials on at times but lorries were a first.

As I walked into the house, builders, electrician someone installing a phone, and so it went on, furniture being delivered too. Luke, the builder, turned to me and said “you must be so stressed.” It was only at that point it dawned on me somehow, it could only be as a result of stroke I was not. I didn’t feel any emotion other than exhaustion.

I had to leave actually whilst the furniture was still being delivered as fatigue had well and truly set in and I began feeling the result of overdoing things the past couple of days.

I left thinking stroke meant at least I wasn’t stressed,  but would I feel anything? I was so exhausted I didn’t return to the house for a couple of days.

Until, I looked at items of our furniture when I did eventually returned to the house couple of days later, I could have cried and am still so terribly upset.

This emotion so extreme. This is what stroke does. From no emotion at all to feeling very emotional and tearful. These emotions are so different to pre stroke days. Also I had previously mentally decided on a different removal company, yet I felt pressured as even all these years on, from my stroke I am unable to cope with quick decisions. The removal man held out his hand and said do we have a deal? That panicked me into a yes. I will not go back on my word, so I was then stuck. Pre stroke days I would have handled so differently and asked to put everything we discussed in an email first then I will reply promptly. Now I am left not only very upset but also frustrated and cross with myself knowing my difficulties and explaining to him also, before he visited, yet still I was caught out. I let myself be in that situation. Now I have a situation on my hands. Yesterday when I spoke with him he was upset with me.

I will keep you posted on the outcome but as stroke survivors, for such situations always have someone with you to prevent the pressure that brain injury puts us under.

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